Never, Ever Assume!!!!

Grant

Mu-43 Veteran
Joined
May 16, 2010
Messages
388
Location
Lunenburg, Nova Scotia, Canada
His request approved, the CNN News photographer
quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, '
Fly over the valley and make low passes so
I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded,
'and I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment.
Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . .
You're NOT my flight instructor?'
 

Hikari

Mu-43 All-Pro
Joined
Nov 26, 2010
Messages
1,531
John goes and visits his grandmother in hospital. His grandmother is always happy to get visitors. As john is talking, he notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and without thinking pops a few in his mouth. The hour passes and as he gets up to leave, he notices he has ate the entire contents of the bowl.

"I'm sorry grandma, I ate all your peanuts."

"That's all right dear," she said. "I am not fond of them. I just like to suck the chocolate coatings off."
 

greyelm

Mu-43 Veteran
Joined
Aug 28, 2010
Messages
363
Location
London
Real Name
Malcolm
Did you hear about the zoo that only has one animal, it's a Shih Tzu.
 

GaryAyala

Mu-43 Legend
Joined
Jan 2, 2011
Messages
6,564
Location
SoCal
His request approved, the CNN News photographer
quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, '
Fly over the valley and make low passes so
I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded,
'and I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment.
Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . .
You're NOT my flight instructor?'
I got a million stories ...

G
 

Iconindustries

Mu-43 Hall of Famer
Joined
Jan 31, 2010
Messages
2,196
Location
Cecil Plains, Queensland, Australia
From Mother with Love

Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.

They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
 

GaryAyala

Mu-43 Legend
Joined
Jan 2, 2011
Messages
6,564
Location
SoCal
Man had a new puppy which he loved and cared for as if it was his daughter. He had to go on a business trip and left the puppy with his brother. When he arrived he called his brother and inquired about his puppy.

"She died," his brother replied.

Shocked, the man stammered about how rude and insensitive it was just to blurt out that his beloved puppy had died. "Next time," the man said,"tell someone that the dog got lost, or its on the roof, anything than just blurting out that she was dead." The man sighs and asks, "How's Mom?"

"She's on the roof."
 

Markb

Mu-43 Top Veteran
Joined
Jun 9, 2011
Messages
532
Location
Kent, UK
Real Name
Mark
His request approved, the CNN News photographer
quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, '
Fly over the valley and make low passes so
I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded,
'and I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment.
Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . .
You're NOT my flight instructor?'
I want to die quietly in my sleep just like my granddad...

Not screaming in panic like his passengers.
 
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