I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought "deer in headlights".she is lovely , but for the type of shots your after id suggest makeup on the model, and longer sessions , or something to relax her so that deer in the headlights expression can be diminished, also vary your locations.... try a cross process look??... keep at it.... and this is all mho of course .........the b&w is the strongest i think
Caroline , Im no fan of too much makeup, but for what this shooters seemed to be after , i found the shine on the skin to be distracting and lessens the success of the effort overall , i dont mean caking it up just some specific work and targeting to kill the shine,I agree the first shot is the best one of this set, though I really like the "diagonal" one as well, it looks so different and eyecatching. Being camera-shy myself I can quite understand a model feeling nervous especially with someone not used to taking these sorts of shots, so it's really interesting to hear the tips that the others give about making someone feel at ease, as I too (as a photographer) don't have a clue how to do that. My people photos generally come out awful as a result!
Having said that I'm not sure I'd agree with the person who said she needed more makeup - one thing I really hate is photos of women caked with "slap", that just makes them look like painted dolls to me. I far prefer the natural look to the overly made up one!
I would agree more make-up is wrong but more skilfully applied make-up would help.
Just remember you are not shooting a "model", you are shooting a person, what you want to do is attempt to capture their personality.