A very painful life and personal update

[L0n3Gr3yW0lf]

I have struggled the will to want to write this post and after many hours of staring blankly at the screen and flooding the keyboard with tears I thought that it's fair to a few friends I have made here to know, I don't want to disappear into the ether without any explanation. On Tuesday morning I found out that my little girl's heart has stopped beating at 23 weeks and 2 days and on the 16th minute of 29th of August morning my little Saya-Skye was born without life. It has been a very painful week that has put in question everything I know, including photography, what it means to me and what it has become after 13 years of passion for photography. Recently I have sold all my Micro Four Thirds gear in an effort to consulate all my energy and effectiveness to spend time and record the moments for and with my daughter. Now I don't know how to feel or do with photography, while the wants are still there it feels irrelevant and painful at the same time.

I don't know if I will be active in the community nor how long this state will last. Photography may be my last bastion of sanity or it might go away forever. I never wanted or intended to say goodbye to Micro Four Thirds or Olympus, I had hoped that some years down the line I may go back to whatever OM-D Solutions might bright out as high end and one of the Olympus 150-400mm f 4.5 Pro. I am still in the process of learning and adapting to the Sony a7C but I hardly pick the camera up these days and turning the switching process into a very long learning curve.

As for now, I do wish all the friends I made along the way all the good and joy of photography and ask for forgiveness of my leave of absents and thank you for all that I have learned from your kind community of Micro Four Thirds.

 

[turbodieselvw]

I’m so sorry for your loss. You will have to do what is best for yourself. If it means never to take another picture than that‘s what you’ll have to do. What’s important now is that you care of yourself and your loved ones.

 

[RichardC]

That is devastating news and I am truly sorry to hear of your loss. Be sure to accept every offer of support that is available to you and your family.

 

[PJ2]

So sorry to hear this, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[golftango]

So very sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.

 

[mumu]

I am so sorry to hear that terrible news. Take the time to grieve and care for your partner. Be open to the support of friends and family, too. Let them know what you need, even if it's to ask for some time alone.

 

[jhawk1000]

So sorry for your pain. Take whatever time is necessary.

 

[Tili]

You are not alone. Three years ago my son was born on 23 weeks, 6 days. He fought for 3 days but he was bleeding in-between the folds of his little brain. He didn't make it. It is/was fucking awful.
Just know that time heals all. You are not alone.

I have a little girl now that I adore taking pictures of. But I will never forget him. Don't make harsh decisions now. Life will start to make sense again ... at some point..

Your post resurfaced a lot of feelings in me again. They never truly go away tbh. I wish you the best.

 

[Biro]

Ovidiu... this is the worst kind of news for any parent. Please understand that you and your family really are in our thoughts and we really do understand. Also know that - eventually - you will be able to move forward. In the meantime, cut yourself some slack. You are allowed to grieve. In fact, you'll be in bigger trouble if you don't.

 

[Harvey Melvin Richards]

Ovidiu, so very sorry for your loss. Take time and heal yourself.

 

[DeeJayK]

First, know that you're NOT alone in this. Remember to give yourself and your partner grace in processing the tragedy. I would seek out a local support group, but you should allow yourself and your partner to grieve in the way that feels best for each of you and your relationship.

So sorry for your loss. The pain you're feeling will get better, but it will never go away.

- K

 

[Panolyman]

Like all the others above, I am terribly sorry for your loss Ovidiu.

We know from your postings on here that you have been a carer, looking after vulnerable people.
You know how much people can gain from someone caring for them and I would suggest it is now time for you and your partner to seek help in getting someone to care for you.
My wife and I lost our first child and it is devastating at the time, but although they are easy words to say, as the saying goes: life moves on.

I can only repeat what others are saying in taking your time over this.
Yeah, we know cameras are nothing compared to life itself, but it is one of your passions that will hopefully return when you are ready.

Please be assured that we are all with you at this time and sincerely hope you will stick with us.
My thoughts are with you and your partner.

Best wishes,
Brian.

 

[jimr.pdx]

I'm glad you wrote, that had to be difficult to compose. Take what time you both need to grieve. Great advice above. Camera gear and forums will be available when you're ready.

 

[Brownie]

This is truly the worst news one could imagine, as no parent should ever lose a child. Please know I am thinking of you and yours..

Know too, that while it may not seem possible, this too shall pass. Do not rush it, let it work through in it's own good time. You will return to a normal life.

 

[994]

Peace to you Ovidiu. Sorry for your loss.

 

[Holoholo55]

I have struggled the will to want to write this post and after many hours of staring blankly at the screen and flooding the keyboard with tears I thought that it's fair to a few friends I have made here to know, I don't want to disappear into the ether without any explanation. On Tuesday morning I found out that my little girl's heart has stopped beating at 23 weeks and 2 days and on the 16th minute of 29th of August morning my little Saya-Skye was born without life. It has been a very painful week that has put in question everything I know, including photography, what it means to me and what it has become after 13 years of passion for photography. Recently I have sold all my Micro Four Thirds gear in an effort to consulate all my energy and effectiveness to spend time and record the moments for and with my daughter. Now I don't know how to feel or do with photography, while the wants are still there it feels irrelevant and painful at the same time.

I don't know if I will be active in the community nor how long this state will last. Photography may be my last bastion of sanity or it might go away forever. I never wanted or intended to say goodbye to Micro Four Thirds or Olympus, I had hoped that some years down the line I may go back to whatever OM-D Solutions might bright out as high end and one of the Olympus 150-400mm f 4.5 Pro. I am still in the process of learning and adapting to the Sony a7C but I hardly pick the camera up these days and turning the switching process into a very long learning curve.

As for now, I do wish all the friends I made along the way all the good and joy of photography and ask for forgiveness of my leave of absents and thank you for all that I have learned from your kind community of Micro Four Thirds.

My heart breaks for you, Ovidiu. So sorry for you and your wife's terrible loss. An incalculably heavy weight on your heart. All we can do is say we sympathize and cry with you. Let the tears flow and help to wash away some of the pain. We are thinking of you whether you decide to come back to photography or not. Hang in there. Bless you.

 

[emorgan451]

That is incredibly heartbreaking and there are no words to make any of it better. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. You and your wife will be in my prayers.

As others have mentioned you are not alone. While I have not lost a child of mine, I watched my nephew be born with a genetic condition not compatible with life. He was alive for 46 hrs. We've learned that we all grieve in our own ways and at our own pace. Extra grace is required for everyone involved. Please take care of yourself and your family.

 

[PeeBee]

I’m deeply saddened by your loss Ovidiu and my heart goes out to you and your family. As others have said, words will do little to ease the heartache you will be going through right now, but in time it will ease. Be there for your partner and family but also take care of yourself.

 

[Derek]

My sincerest condolences to you and your loved ones. Take care.

 

[grcolts]

I have struggled the will to want to write this post and after many hours of staring blankly at the screen and flooding the keyboard with tears I thought that it's fair to a few friends I have made here to know, I don't want to disappear into the ether without any explanation. On Tuesday morning I found out that my little girl's heart has stopped beating at 23 weeks and 2 days and on the 16th minute of 29th of August morning my little Saya-Skye was born without life. It has been a very painful week that has put in question everything I know, including photography, what it means to me and what it has become after 13 years of passion for photography. Recently I have sold all my Micro Four Thirds gear in an effort to consulate all my energy and effectiveness to spend time and record the moments for and with my daughter. Now I don't know how to feel or do with photography, while the wants are still there it feels irrelevant and painful at the same time.

I don't know if I will be active in the community nor how long this state will last. Photography may be my last bastion of sanity or it might go away forever. I never wanted or intended to say goodbye to Micro Four Thirds or Olympus, I had hoped that some years down the line I may go back to whatever OM-D Solutions might bright out as high end and one of the Olympus 150-400mm f 4.5 Pro. I am still in the process of learning and adapting to the Sony a7C but I hardly pick the camera up these days and turning the switching process into a very long learning curve.

As for now, I do wish all the friends I made along the way all the good and joy of photography and ask for forgiveness of my leave of absents and thank you for all that I have learned from your kind community of Micro Four Thirds.

Life is not fair sometimes. I am so sorry for your loss. Take time to take care of yourself and your family. It may seem impossible now but you will get through this difficult time. Rely on your friends and family during this dark time in your life. Take life one day at a time. Best to you.